Dear Dunny–

I broke up with my boyfriend a couple weeks ago — he was kinda lame, but he’s sad about it and I feel bad for him.  What can I send him that’ll say “Hey, I’m sorry that you’re upset… can we still be friends? p.s. I already replaced you with a smorkin-hot electric ukelele player who’s an orgasm dynamo, so we’ll need to be the kind of friends who don’t make out with each other.”?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
–Elle

Dear Elle,

We actually have a t-shirt coming out next season with that very sentiment. However, I’m not sure if you really want to brag about having replaced someone with a “smorkin-hot electric ukelele player” because aside from being somewhat oxymoronic in nature, it also sounds like some kind of made-up, mythical creature and he is most likely not going to believe you. The best things to send him would be any of our Smorkin’ Mongers.

Or if you prefer a more direct approach that’s sure not to be misinterpreted, just send him a link to this advice column.

Love,
Dunny

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