ALL 200 prisoners that escaped from the Maximum Security Wing of Rykers Island National Penitentiary have been RECAPTURED. 100 Red and 100 Black Kidrobbers are currently waiting for accomplices to post their bail.

**URGENT NEWSBREAK**

SoHo, NY, March 3, 2005 – It is the end of the road for 200 of the most wanted fugitives of all time. Law enforcement officials have confirmed the captured of 100 Black and 100 Red Kidrobbers who escaped from Rykers Island National Penitentiary four weeks ago. The interrogation of the Kidrobber captured this morning resulted in a lead that cops have been waiting for.

This morning the FBI and Interpol surrounded the acclaimed Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in uptown Manhattan. Officers descended upon the Presidential Suite shortly after 11:43 am to find 199 Kidrobbers lounging around the million dollar suite in bathrobes and slippers. Along with the fugitives, agents also discovered piles of cash, stolen CDs, cases of Crunk Juice, 45 lbs of Spaghetti O's, and an autographed picture of Suge Knight.

"They knew the fight was over," stated FBI Agent Neloms. "When we came through the door they didn't even try to stop us. They said that they would come with us on their own free will if we just waited until the end of the Maury Povich Show. They wanted to see the results of the paternity tests. We realized how important that was to them and we didn't want to take that away."

After is was proven that John was the father, all 199 Kidrobbers were ordered to use the buddy system as officers lead them down the street to the station. Crowds of cheering people had gathered on Broadway to see the fugitives being escorted by the heroic men and women of law enforcement.

Once the fugitives were booked and shown to their holding cells Homeland Security Advisor Candyleezo Rife announced that the Security Alert had been decreased from Teal to Daffodil. When asked why the alert was still in effect Ms. Rife simply replied, "When dealing with criminal minds like these, you never know what may happen".

The 200 Kidrobbers will be applying for parole this afternoon. Although parole is unlikely, rumors have been circling that the Kidrobbers 'know some people who know some people'. For more information regarding the sentencing of these individuals, please CLICK HERE.

**PAST NEWS and SIGHTINGS**

SoHo, NY, March 3, 2005 – After multiple robberies in the SoHo area yesterday police officers were able to capture one Kidrobber as fled the scene of the crime.

Officer Vincent Au of the NYPD found Kidrobber in an abandoned lot close to where the robberies took place.

"I saw him trying to hide behind the leg of a chair," Officer Au recalls. "I kept saying 'Dude, I can see you' but he just stood there like he couldn't hear me."

The SWAT team arrived and was able to subdue the Kidrobber by using mass amounts of laughing gas. With one Kidrobber behind bars it is only a matter of time before the other 199 are caught as well.

In the meantime, Vincent Au is scheduled to receive the Key to the City and a lifetime subscription to O Magazine. "I guess that's cool," Au concluded.

Queens, NY, March 2, 2005 – Joey Visconti, a 25-year old construction worker, has just reported a Kidrobber sighting in Astoria, Queens. Police are currently on the scene of the construction site where the incident occurred.

"I was just sittin' over here on my lunchbreak ya know. I had just gotten a slice when I see this little dude over here lookin' at me wrong. I ain't takin' that attitude from nobody! I started walking over to where he was because nobody looks at Joey Visconti the wrong way and gets away with it."

Police are unsure as to what exactly transpired after the initial confrontation. Some witnesses say that Kidrobber broke a 2x4 over Mr. Visconti's back then took his pizza. Others reported to have seen Kidrobber lift up the entire dumpster, spin it on his index finger, and then slam it down on the entire construction crew. Though reports are conflicting Mr. Visconti and his crew are still claiming that they were not assaulted by Kidrobber.

"I got this black eye from my old lady a week ago" claims the site's foreman. "And my arm always looks like this."

West Village, NY, March 2, 2005 – As you may have already seen, several newspapers this morning released pictures of Kidrobbers roaming the subway system. MTA Authorities released these images late last night after discovering the escapees on surveillance tape.

The MTA and NYPD have advised New Yorkers to avoid the trains at all costs. Also be aware of your surroundings when in train stations that sell "Kiss Me for Kash" scratch-off tickets.

NoHo, NY, March 1, 2005 – A riot broke out in a popular record store in New York City last night due to the spotting of Kidrobber. Security cameras of the popular chain caught Kidrobber on video attempting to conceal merchandise. At 5:16pm two security guards accosted Kidrobber as he was trying to leave the premises with over 25 CDs. The Original Soundtrack for The Postman, Baby Geniuses, Speed 2, Santa with Muscles, and From Justin To Kelly were just some of the titles Kidrobber was spotted snatching off the shelves.

A security guard (who wishes to remain anonymous) released a statement to the press early this morning from his hospital bed:

"After he refused to hand over the CDs my associate and I attempted to restrain him. He started to cause a scene by yelling out "Do you know who I am?!" It was at that point when a full-fledged riot broke out. The whole store erupted into a panic when word got out that Kidrobber was in the building. Tables were being overturned, women and children were screaming, and CDs were flying through the air. I got hit in the face with a Miami Vice DVD Box Set and fell to the floor. Next thing I knew Kidrobber was just laughing in my face as he picked up all his stolen CDs and then he mocked me by also stealing the same Miami Vice Box Set that I got hit in the face with. He then disappeared admist the chaos. The last thing I remember is the SWAT team coming through the front windows. I woke up in the hospital hours later."

We hope that the security guards and employees of the record store all make complete recoveries. As for the music store - it has been temporarily shut down for repairs and is scheduled to reopen in Fall 2008.

Union Square, NY, February 27, 2005 – Visitors to Union Square Park this weekend were shocked when News stations from around the world arrived Sunday evening to report on Kidrobber sightings in the area. It was at this time when over 20 people claimed that they had seen Kidrobber in the area.

"I couldn't believe that I was standing that close to a madman!" an unidentified Texas woman exclaimed. "New York is crazy! The girls in my quilting circle are NOT going to believe this."

Dozens of other stories were told to News crews throughout the evening. Perhaps the most heartbreaking story of the day came from the parents whose children were in direct contact with Kidrobber for over an hour while they roamed the playground.

"At first I thought he was just one of the kids" said a concerned mother. "I didn't get worried until I saw him stealing juice boxes out of other kids lunch bags. As soon as I saw that I grabbed my son Joey, his juice box, and ran to the nearest telephone."

Joey and the other children who were in the park will be given extensive trauma treatment free-of-charge at the "Kidrobber Victims Unit" in New York City. If you have been a victim of Kidrobber please call the Kidrobot Helpline to find out where the nearest "Kidrobber Victims Unit" is to you.

Midtown, NY, February 23, 2005 – On the final day of Taxi Appreciation Week it was to great dismay that one taxi driver had to endure the horrible experience of being accosted by Kidrobber late Wednesday night.

Raj Asif, a 35-year old taxi driver, was waiting for a fare outside the Javitz Center after the Toy Fair let out. It was at that time when his door opened and Kidrobber jumped into the back seat. Raj recalls what occurred after the door closed.

"I looked at him and knew I was in trouble. He pulled out his weapon and demanded that I take him to Coney Island. He was yelling at me about movie called 'The Warriors' or something..but I was so scared I couldn't understand him. He also insisted that I play a mixtape he made. It wasn't that bad, I guess I never realized how good Twisted Sister was."

Kidrobber was last seen riding the Cyclone roller coaster with a hot dog in one hand and a gun in the other.

Newark, NJ, February 19, 2005 – New Jersey Residents should be on high alert due to numerous Kidrobber sightings on the public transportation system. The Port Authority released pictures of several vigilantes riding trains and buses.

The NYPD released an official statement shortly after the pictures were released. The statement claimed that not only did officers not know why Kidrobber was crossing state lines, but they are also are baffled as to why ANYONE would willingly go to New Jersey.

"We just don't understand the whole Jersey-thing" the report concluded.

NYC, NY, February 15, 2005 – It wasn't a very happy Valentines Day for more than 33 New York couples last night. Throughout the evening restaurant after restaurant reported that masked assailants had ambushed them. From uptown to downtown Cash, Credit cards, and bread baskets were stolen from couples trying to enjoy a romantic night out.

"Those dudes are foul!" yelled Tray Simons, a 31-year old victim of last nights caper. "By the time I noticed my card was missin', there were already a grip of charges. $1500 at 'Dirty Charlie's Wet-n-Wild Rib Shack'? I have been there before and there ain't no way you can spend $1500. My boys and I have tried. You have to be doin' some hardcore stuff to drop that many bills in one night."

NYC, NY, February 13, 2005 – Over the weekend several Kidrobber sightings were reported. The most important of which was a string of ATM robberies in Manhattan. Innocent bystanders were accosted by several of the escapees. The thugs demanded them to open their wallets and hand over all the singles they had. Although no fatalities were reported, one victim reported that he has suffered a significant amount of trauma due to not being able to attend the Spearmint Rhino Strip Club that night.

BRONX, NY, February 10, 2005 – At 2:13pm Ray "Fingers" Franklin, a 63-year old retired stenographer, was startled by a noise in the alleyway behind his apartment.

"I was going out the door and I heard "BANG!" I turned around and saw a Kidrobber hiding in the tires. I recognized him from the News and before I could make a run for it, he jumped out, kicked me in the shin and demanded a piece of gum. I didn't want any problems so I threw my entire pack of Jucifruit at him. I hadn't even opened it yet! Anyways, as soon as he ran off I called the National Kidrobot Hotline. I'm just scared that he may return for more gum, that stuff loses its flavor so fast."

Thanks for the update Fingers. Please stay tuned for up-to-date information on Kidrobbers whereabouts.

RYKERS ISLAND, NY, February 09, 2005 – 200 prisoners escaped this afternoon from the Maximum Security Wing of Rykers Island National Penitentiary, located out side of New York City. 100 Red and 100 Black Kidrobbers were seen fleeing a breach in the outer fence just after the daily snack time and exercise hour.

"Everything was in order," said Penitentiary Spokesman James May, "The staff handed out mini-cartons of milk and Oreos as usual, and then assigned each prisoner a blue mat. We returned after naptime to find the electric fence cut, the milk cartons dry and nothing but crumbs on the sheets."

Both the FBI and Interpol have issued warrants for the prisoners’ arrests. Pictures of the escaped prisoners have been circulated to the press and local law enforcement officials.
Reactions to the escape ran from bad to worse. “I ain’t scared,” announced President Push from an undisclosed location. Homeland Security Advisor Candyleezo Rife issued a Teal Alert pending the escapees recapture.

The fugitives are considered armed and extremely dangerous. If you see any of these escapees, please do not approach. Sightings should be immediately reported to the National Kidrobot Hotline.

Citizens should check back on this web page for periodic updates and alerts.

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